July 29, 2013

  • Hey people,

    I’m not particularly up to speed on the possibly impending death of Xanga (which appears to be in the next three days).
    I thought that this would be an appropriate time to thank anyone and everyone who’s visited this little corner of the internet as part of their bi-weekly internet check. 


    It’s surreal to look back and see how much I have changed as a person, physically, and most importantly, mentally.  

    This blog started as a tool to connect with my friends before the dawn on Facebook.  I’m proud to have kept it up for all of these years, despite most people moving on, abandoning their blogs.  

    This page has also gone through a lot of changes, as I feverishly kept uploading the perfect images to use as my background and obsessing over the colors of the already-clicked links.  

    Once it played music, and once it displayed other people’s art that I jealously coveted.

    It saw five relationships excitingly begin. It saw four of them quietly end. 

    It graciously locked away my rants, and catalogued my secrets that weren’t so secret after all.

    It saw my red hair. My high school rebellion.  

    It took in my anger and sadness. I calmly breathed out a sigh of relief. 


    I never really thought about it, and I never really appreciated it for what it was, but my dear Xanga was here for me when I needed it, and it still is if I ever need a reminder of who I was.

    I will sorely miss you when you are gone. 

    Love,

    Mary

June 6, 2013

  • So, I never got around to doing that zoo blog post.  But I have pictures up on FB if anyone is interested!

    But, anyway.  Today, is a slow day.  

    This is the first week of summer hours, where we work from 8am to 5pm Monday through Thursday.  The reward in the end, is on Friday we only have to work from 9am to 1pm, which is kind of nice.  However, I’ve decided to switch back to normal hours, because, my god, this week has been the LONGEST WEEK EVER.  

    As a consequence of having that extra hour to get things done, I’ve run clean out of projects to work on, and asked Ben what I should do.
    He responded with the idea to design a film-noir inspired poster for any Disney movie.  

     

    That said, here was my response:

     

    Enjoy!

     

    M

June 3, 2013

  • Xanga Shutting down?

    So… I’ve been hearing through the grapevine that Xanga isn’t doing so hot.  (Which I’m sure you guys have heard about it, since you and I are literally the ONLY people I know who actually still have one of these and post on a fairly regular basis.)  

    All I can really say when I hear about this new is “HOLY CRAP, I WISH I COULD GET ALL OF MY BLOG POSTS CONVERTED INTO BOOK FORM.”

    After all, these Xanga posts are a solid chunk of my life: From May of 2004, to today.  

    That is 9 years of bi-monthly updates about my life…

    In 2004. I was 16.

    I was ending middle school, and realized that Xanga was a safe place to post my thoughts because I was too lazy to keep a physical journal (ironically, I didn’t realize that I was filling sketchbooks faster than I could buy them, and so, they are my visual diaries).

    But the sad thing about posting to a blog is that it literally doesn’t physically exist.
    A diary (or in my case, a sketchbook) is something that you can hide away on a shelf, and pull out years later.  
    I thought that was something I’d be able to do with this blog, and the inevitable demise of Xanga is something that does make me profoundly sad.  

    I’ve thought about donating to keeping Xanga alive and well, but when I heard about the site no longer being free anymore, I had to take a step back.
    I really hope I misheard about that, but that thought alone changes my idea of this blog all together.  Because I freaked out a bit, I paid to go premium and will be archiving my posts so I can save a version to my ext. hard drive if the site does go belly-up.  $25 is a small fee for nearly 10 years of memories.  

    Anyway, how are you guys handling the news?  I’d love it if Xanga posts were compatible to create into a Blurb book… Which, as it turns out, isn’t seeming possible from what research I’ve done.  Oh well.  We’ll see. 

    I’ll be posting an update about Ben and my trip to the MN Zoo from this past weekend.  When I get home it shall be done!

     

    Much love,

    Mary

     

     

May 20, 2013

  • This is definitely a first,

    Ben left for New York for work on Saturday around noon, and he’ll be coming back home on Wednesday.  

    There have been a few times where I’ve gone up to my cabin and he’s stayed in the cities, but I’ve never been the one to stay home while he went away.  

     

    All I can say is “holy hell, I love Ben more than I honestly thought I ever did.”

    It’s hard to imagine how much you need someone in your life before you’re suddenly without them for the first time.  I noticed that I tend to micromanage my time while he is away and compulsively clean, work on things and stay productive to pass the time.  

    Last night I tried watching a movie and drinking a beer, only to find myself cleaning the vents on our AC window unit with of q-tips and vinegar, all while the movie went unwatched, and the un-opened beer dripped condensation all over the table.

     

    Sleeping is also a thing.  Having the whole bed to myself is weirdly foreign to me, and I still stay on my side.  I also have a stupidly vivid imagination, so the slightest noise always ends up being a serial killer who wants to torture our cats and then me in my mind.  

     

    What this all boils down to is the fact that it’s actually kind of scary, albeit jarring experience to wrap my head around how much I NEED Ben in my life. 

     

    All I’m hoping is that he comes home safe and sound on Wednesday, and my snuggles will be SO DAMN INTENSE. 

May 14, 2013

  • Good lord, it’s going to be 90 degrees out by 5:00 tonight.  

    But here’s to living in the 12th coolest state in the U.S.!  
    Hooray marriage equality!

May 2, 2013

  • Random!

     

    So you know how, for example, when you get a new car, you suddenly start seeing more and more of the same car while out driving?  

    Well, that’s how it’s been lately with people asking if Ben and I plan on having kids.  

    Literally ONE person asks us, and then all of the sudden, another person asks us, then another (My favorite one came from a very drunk girl at the bar last night who said “Do you have kids?” and when we said “No” she quickly replied “DON’T. SERIOUSLY DON’T.” Ha.) and then my sister is sending me tumblrs about “Pregnant Dads” and then suddenly I’m seeing PREGNANT WOMEN EVERYWHERE.

    The answer is a solid NO. 

    Now, I have nothing against pregnancy (unless it’s your 14th pregnancy or something, ish) or kids, (as long as they’re not the by-product of horrible parents.) But Ben and I are ridiculously impulsive and adding a kid into the mix is just unfair to all parties involved.

     

    The best piece of advice about choosing to have/not have kids that I have ever gotten, came from my lovely Mother-in-Law.  And it goes as follows:

    “If you decide to have kids, they are the GREATEST thing(s) to ever happen to you.  If you decide to NEVER have kids, your spouse is the GREATEST thing to ever happen to you.” 

    I don’t feel like if I never had kids that I would be missing out on anything in particular either.  I didn’t get married because I HAD TO GET MARRIED to fill a weird void in my life (which is kind of what seems like is more common nowadays), so I don’t feel obligated to have kids either.  And it’s strange, because I come from a large family.  Nature would say that I’d want to pop babies out to crate my own farmhands, but that’s not so, especially in this world we live in. 

     

    So that’s my two cents on that, and if another person asks if we’re going to have kids, I’m just going to laugh. 

     

    M

April 18, 2013

  • So this is kind of funny:

    Recently, I started reading Steinbeck’s East of Eden, which is a lovely, but a hopelessly serious story.

     

    I love it, it’s beautiful, poetic, and it’s long.  

    But since hearing about all the craziness in the world after coming back into town,
    I decided to put away the Steinbeck for a few weeks and resume reading the fourth Harry Potter book (The Goblet of Fire) on my Nook.  

    It’s nice to be able to leave the present world and to escape into a book that has almost nothing to do with my life at this present time. 
    The Harry Potter books have been a source of comfort for me since I started reading them, and whenever I feel stressed or overwhelmed, I open one up and read on.  

    My favorite Harry Potter book by far is The Prisoner of Azkaban.  

    It’s kind of trivial what a person does while on their way into work. 
    I’m lucky enough to be able to make my commute via Lightrail to Downtown in the mornings. 
    And I seriously love it, even if it takes a bit longer that driving.  

    Lately, I’ve been combining reading the Harry Potter book, sketching in my super nice new green Pentalic sketchbook and listening to some tunes on my iPod Shuffle. 
    I do find it funny when I’ll literally be too distracted by my thoughts to read or draw, and I simple resort to listening to music, watching out the window. 
    I was thinking the other day, that I totally take my amazing mind for granted. 
    I have this weird new obsession with thinking about things in and out of context and designing worlds which I build up and save in order to return to later to build them some more. 

    It’s like having a temple in my mind (haha, like Hannibal Lecter does in the books)  

    It’s nice to escape from people into my mind.   I always think that I prefer my time either sleeping or thinking, staring off at something that isn’t there.  
    I have also come to the realization that I am neither an “early bird” or a “night owl”.  I just… really love sleeping all around.  Does that make me a… dead day bird?

     

    Anyhoo, on a completely different topic, it’s snowing outside and I am crestfallen.  For I have made an effort to wear my most spring-like scarf today in hopes of 
    ushering in some Spring weather vibes.  Like a rain dance around my neck.  How disappointing for today. 

     

    More later :)

     

    M

     

     

April 16, 2013

  • I laid awake last night, in my own bed, next to my dear husband, covered in cats. And yet, I was terrified of being back home in the city. 

     

    I had my morning cry about the explosions in Boston, and I sincerely know that the goodness in people will prevail in a tragic, seemingly hopeless time like this.

March 29, 2013

  • This Sunday is already EASTER!!!

    And by that I mean time goes by a lot faster when you don’t go to church, I’ve realized.  

    Since my birth, my parents religiously took my siblings and I to church.  
    Along with this weekly ritual came the drag of time and dread every Sunday where I would numbly sit and listen to the Homily, knelt halfheartedly when we needed to, drew on the program, and mumbled lyrics to my favorite Jimmy Eat World song during the moments of personal prayer.
    And sure, church and Sunday school instilled a good sense of right and wrong in me, taught me to treat others as I wanted to be treated, and made me more empathetic to others. 

    But to this day, there is nothing – and I mean nothing – that I hate more, than going to church. Or talking about religion. Or ignorant religious bigots. Or southern accents.

    Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate a certain number of things – physical things –  that go along with Catholic mass.  The burning of incense, the laying of palms, holy water, ashes on Ash Wednesday.  I could sit in the Basilica of St. Mary and just listen for hours while not even doing anything myself.  

    I find this horribly ironic, because as tenaciously as my parents took me to church, I responded to absolutely NONE of it.  

    And I honestly don’t know why.  
    Logic tells me that I would grow up to be as god-fearing as anyone else with that kind of childhood, but when it comes to religion and my own life-after-death experience… I just don’t… care?  When I was a kid, people taught me that in order to be a good person, I had to follow “Jesus/Christ/God/whatever”.  
    When I was about six, I saw some kid bullying another kid at our Sunday school.  I came to the conclusion that I could just be a good person and NOT have to rely on something that I don’t even physically know exists.  
    I was also taught that if I didn’t go to church/had sex before marriage/killed someone that I would go to Hell after I die.

    People speculate so much about what death is like, and what happens to our souls when we finally die.  SO much that it is something that keeps them up at night. Me included. Until about a year ago I came to the conclusion to that question:  

    How does it feel when we sleep?  

    When we’re put under for surgery?  

    We’re unconscious, and therefore can’t… feel.  

    It only makes sense right?  

     

    I am put at ease by the thought that when I die, I will be taking the world’s LONGEST NAP.  And it will be AWESOME.

     

     

    Sorry for that weird post guys, but I just had to get that out of my head. 

     

    Love,

    A slightly tired Mary

        

     

March 25, 2013

  • H’okay, new post!  Sorry for the lag, but there are A LOT of people who are writing books
    and have the sudden urge to finish them before the end of next year.  
    This surge of work has really increased my chances to design more book covers and I’ve gotten a lot of compliments about how much my work has improved this year. 

    I actually updated my website and added a bunch of book covers that I’ve finished this past year if you’re interested in taking a gander :)  
    Luckily, they were with authors that took what I made and didn’t try to change it into something that looks absolutely horrendous.  


    In other news, we’ve been good!  

    A lot has pretty much stayed the same aside from us:

    - Deciding what our next car will be (a Scion iQ),
    - Working out pretty consistently (I’ve gained five pounds but gone down a pants size!  I maxed out at 115 on the bench on Friday!),
    - Getting our kitties to like each other (they sleep on the same bed now!)
    - And getting taxes done (we’re going to H&R Block tonight because we have absolutely no brains when it comes to taxes and math.  No judging!)

    So that’s fun.  Onto show & Tell! 

    What I have to share with you today though is a story I wrote and posted to NoSleep a while ago. 
    It’s a story I recalled from when I was a kid.  When we went up to the cabin, I was utterly terrified of the woods at night: 


    When I was a kid, I would scare easy. I hated ghost stories and “Bloody Mary” kinds of urban legends. I would frequently scare myself by making weird faces at the mirror. It was so bad that whenever I would be standing with my Mum in the checkout lane at the grocery store, looking at the tabloid magazines, even the slightest mention about cryptids or aliens would send me into a mini panic attack.

    My family has owned a small cabin on a lake in northern Minnesota since before my siblings and I were born. This cabin is pretty much as rustic as it gets; constructed out of old logs, with an old fireplace, an outhouse, and a tilted foundation. With the cabin being about ninety-five years old, we’re pretty lucky to have running water and a working toilet now.

    Every summer, my parents would load us all up in the car and trek for a good five hours to get up there for a week or so, and then return back to the cities almost every other week if my Dad was on call for his job. Before the trip, we’d round up little games and coloring books to keep us occupied. Depending on whether our Mum would be joining us for the trip up, my Dad would allow us to pick up something that would otherwise not have been approved upon by our very religious mother, such as Mad Magazine, ridiculous tabloids and, best of all, big league chew (yes we weren’t allowed to get big league chew because of the subliminal connotations.)

    On such an occasion as this, my younger brother picked up a National Enquirer that had, as it happened, the “Batboy” blown up to maximum size on the front cover. I had to reassure my eleven-year-old mind that I was much too old to be freaked out by a fake newspaper.
    The trip went as usual, boring and long until we finally arrived at our cabin shortly after sunset. We parked, brought our things into the cabin and lit a fire in the old, dusty hearth, which was customary of the first night up there.
    We played a few card games, and after a while, went to bed.

    The cabin was situated in the woods betwixt two super-mansion cabins that were relatively close by. But when the sun set, and you looked out into the pitch blackness of the night, you couldn’t feel more alone and isolated.
    Around two o’clock in the morning I woke up and had to use the bathroom. To this day I still dread windows and mirrors at night. If I have the misfortune to go past one in my late night treks, I would panic and tell myself not to think about Bloody Mary or of a serial killed watching me from outside. That night, my trip to the bathroom was also made all the more creepy by the fact that I had been poring over the “Batboy” issue that we had picked up earlier.

    As I got out of the bed, I squinted my eyes and thought about The Little Mermaid or something to distract me as I padded into the bathroom, and locked the door. The bathroom was relatively as run-down as the rest of the cabin with a small window that faced the backside of the cabin. In front of the window, was the trunk of large tree. We usually kept Christmas lights around that window to act as a form of night light. I finished up in there, and, as I tried to keep my eyes forward, my tired gaze locked onto that window. In the cheery Christmas-light-framed window, the blackness was broken by what I could only describe as a pair of thin, pale and very long fingers, pressed against the glass, tapping at the surface. I didn’t take my eyes away from whatever was at the window. I was terrified, but also confused and unable to register what I was seeing. It was a good ten seconds before the “hands” moved from their splayed position against the window. When they moved, I panicked, and wrenched the bathroom door open, my heart pounding in my chest. I quickly jumped into my bed, and curled into a ball under my sleeping blanket, shaking, having literally no idea what I had seen at the window. I had fallen asleep, and about two hours later, I awoke to the misty grey dawn creeping in the windows, unable to think about anything other than what I had seen.

    To this day, I honestly have no idea what was at the window. When I return to our cabin, which has remained completely unchanged since then, I look at the window and wonder. 


    Happy Spring! 

     

    Mary